New day New decisions

Wow.. The changes in the house keep happening. Papa Bear is really liking his job and Im super glad that this is working out.
Mr B turns 13 next week. (AKKKKK) and... drumroll...
We are pulling them once again from the public school here. We have not been happy. We have debated since placing them back in the district whether we did the right thing or not. And most the time it was not. The structure.. is fine. The curriculum.. not so fine.. The bullies.. way not fine.. I find it nuts how little learning they actually do. I hate seeing my kids depressed almost everyday over the environment. Mr B, well hes sad about losing band, but we will get involved in the homeschool band. (as soon as funds permit) And Lil bear will even get to start playing at his age rather than waiting till hes Mr Bs age. We are choosing the K12 program for this endeavor. I for one worry about them getting the credits needed to finish. The boys many times in the last year and a half have stated how much they miss the friends they had when homeschooling. And doing activities with them.  Missing being accepted. Public school has been such a issue. If your pants arent sagging, your not doing drugs, having sex.. etc your not cool. And these are YOUNG kids. If you are smart and have goals.. you will not be accepted. This has been a major roadblock. These kids are more concerned with making people like them, than making decent grades and having goals that are past tomorrow. I talked to people at the school, I tried doing what I needed to do. But.. even I have to admit defeat. I am one of very few parents who give a crap about my kids education, and what they do, who their friends are etc. I am a minority in this. And I cant fight a system full of people who really dont care. For every 2-3 students trying to learn there are 10-15 pushing them down. Its a losing battle. And when I have to admit defeat because, myself as a adult, cant fight the system to make changes there...How is my child supposed to win??? Im disappointed in watching how the system is repeatedly failing. We gave it a shot. We tried. We gave the benefit of the doubt.. And were failed. We were given excuses. I feel sorry for the teachers who give a crap. Their hands are tied behind their backs. These unsupervised un parented children..are running the schools. They are running the streets. And they are terrorizing whoever they can. We are watching it happen on our street. What used to be a good neighborhood is turning into a awful place to live. And the school is full of these. Its a no win situation there. I feel better now that I made this decision and the children are extremely happy to be back into a comfortable learning situation. ANd Mr B is back to making his goals and striving to them, when he was starting to give up. :D

My Cadet is home!!

Hes back!! And I assume had a great time. He did spend some time sick and injured but overall did great. He was worn out when we picked him up after graduation. Took all of 10 minutes to pass out in the car on the way home. In this picture Mr B is wearing one of the ANG guys bullet proof vest and helmet. Of course they came off a adult so it it pretty big :D Some of those guys are BUILT! I am looking for a pictured of him when he was around 5 years old wearing one of these helmets. When he goes away to boot camp(at age 18) Im gonna put together the pictures from the time he was 2 on wearing military stuff. As soon as I get some scanned in I will have to share! So proud of my cadet :D

1 more day!!

Till I get Mr B back. He left for Summer encampment on Friday the 8th. I didnt miss hims AS much this time. But Im really starting to. Hes already been injured once(last Saturday) and I am assuming fine now. They have been such busy bees this week from what I hear. Lil Bear is getting a lil stir crazy with out his brother here for this long. A couple days ago he started being a super pest. Although I am sure they will be arguing by Saturday night lol. Its a long drive to Mr B and a long ride back. We would have stopped to camp with the neighbors but we have another cadet to bring home so we cant. And then I would have to figure out what to do with a dog... Plus Mr B is probably going to be toooo tired. Im excited to go get him and hear about all the stuff they did.
Im in day 3 of a ankle brace. I hate it. Miserable achy hate it. Went to the foot and ankle doctor..finally after MANY years of putting it off) and found that I have tendinitis. And that I have to wear a brace for at least a month to straighten my foot and make the tendon stretch and grow so that I wont continue to walk on the side of my foot. I hate this thing(have I said that already?) During the stretching process its VERY uncomfortable. Im waiting on a med to be delivered that is topical that is supposed to also have a numbing agent in it so I can walk better and with a little less pain. I want to get back on the treadmill again and start getting back in shape. I was doing so well there for awhile. Im afraid of screwing up the left ankle as well with the way I have been depending on it to hold me upright and bear the brunt of each step. And its not that strong. I mean Im not overweight or anything(ok Im about 20 lbs over lol), its just still a lot of weight to be put on a already weak ankle. But doc says its not nearly as bad as the right side so it should be fine...(hes not walking on it) But add on he also did a procedure on the bottom of my left foot lol. Yeah not comfy.
Anyways we are still on the wishing front for hubs to get a new job. He found this morning he didnt get the one he thought he was going to. And it has him pretty bummed. But hes back on the looking front so we will keep holding onto hope that something good will come.
Lil Bear is doing well in his gymnastics. Working hard to get ready for moving up. I think due to money issues we will try again for competing May of next year. Plus it gives that year to fine tune everything and get even better. I want him super confident in himself anyway. And hes not all the way there yet.
Ok off to take a nap. :) if the lil bear will let me lol

Changes..better

In the past couple week, there have been many changes in the bear house. We actually have communication back up and running again. Its been a really long now almost 8 months. But it looks like things are finally coming together. Papa Bear and I have many heart to hearts. Hes being strong during my weakness. Holding me tight when I want to run. And becoming the rock he used to be. Its still hard for me to trust this will continue, but life without him...I just dont think I could. The small bears in the house are learning as well. We have had some long conversations about being a family as well as a team. And while I am sure it will be a struggle there for awhile.. I am sure it will even out too. Papa bear has taken responsibility for the finances that went wrong. And has picked up a 2nd job to try to fix the debts. Its a huge step for him. And it is showing me he wants to work on the things that went wrong. 13 years of marriage is hard to throw away. But sometimes like he said a kick in the arse every now and then to remind whats important is sometimes necessary. So thats what we will be doing. We are working at so many things at the same time that you do get overwhelmed. Right now in our relationship its communication. Trying to find each other again. Finances.. its taking on more jobs and paying the stuff that got behind to catch it up. With the kids. Its reestablishing the line of authority, but also the team. Papa Bear has taken a active roll in being a dad more now than ever. Playing catch, basketball, even going to the school for functions while I work(which I dont think hes ever done alone) He is also being consistent..Which was a huge hurdle. And I think he finally realized how it was undermining me and disrespecting me when he went behind my back with the kids and let them do things I took away. And hes also come to realize...Nothing is easy. It takes work. And I think that now we can mend. And for that I am grateful.

Pictures....

Here is the past few months summed up in pictures I FINALLY downloaded off the phone...Yeah theres no more room on my phone for pictures lol so have to go take most off...

 Bear doing work on a nightstand he wants to paint

 Bear playing with TV buttons.(No he left them all on air lol)

 Mr B looking snazzzzzzy!!!

 FINALLY a pic of that van...

 Both boys doing archery

 Won a medal for completing all 10 challenges

 My niece and nephew turned 1

 Bear has spent a LOT of time in doc offices in the past couple months..

 While Mr B is away at the gun range... We went to the art museum. THis is Chihuly glass behind bear...

Also saw a OU Mens gymnastics meet.. Bear caught a shirt :)

Crazy week

Ok so the menu has been practically null and void this week as we have been running errands battling RSV type virus, spending tax money on things needed, Running kids where they need to go....Sheesh. Havent had time to even download the pictures I want to share.
We have ate out a few times this week since none of us felt good enough to cook. I got a free pizza one day so that was def worth it. We went to our local hamburger joint on V-Day. Tonight its plain old hamburger helper. We have stocked up the freezer and pantry so I wont be running out of food for awhile now. Im pretty happy about that. I shouldnt have to shop except for basic perishable items for a few months(But I will still buy other stuff just on smaller scale so that I can keep the freezer etc well stocked.
Ok so food dealt with.. Now onto the sickies.. We have all been battling it for awhile. The coughing sneezing, ear aches, headaches,stuffed noses, trouble breathing. Yeah we are at it all. Over a month now. Dont forget sore throats. Supposedly its a type of RSV.It drains the energy but not where you feel like death worn over. Papa Bear started it, then lil bear caught, then Mr B.. me on the other hand battled on a much smaller scale until a few days ago(go figure when everyones getting over it finally) But good thing so far mine wasnt horrible. A couple days of feeling like crap and Im much better now. Im hoping this is the end and we are all done with it.
Subject switch to Vday.. Now I am a scrooge. Sorry peeps but I am. I think that too many people show love on that day and then forget to appreciate etc the rest of the year. I dont like flowers that dont come in a pot that stay alive. And really... dont want chocolate thats going to the hips.(I really dont need help there lol) I want to be appreciated and loved all year long. So on Vday I was a horrid grump. I am hoping this year I will get out of my scrooge spot. Papa bear has been working hard on trying to fix things and I have to meet halfway. And sometimes it takes stating these needs etc. ANd too many of us women are taken for granted until Vday. (ok yes even you men can have this too) Im just saying women because..well I am one lol. But yes even in some relationships it is the men taken for granted. But anyway back to the story..People speak up all year. Say look I need support understanding, appreciation...Not just sulk(Yeah.. umm Im guilty of that) So I have a lot lately stated what I need in a relationship. I need a partner all year long. Not just on special occasions. I do pout every holiday because Papa bear is not a planner. If hes gonna do something it will be a day late and he will throw it together(yes this irritates me) I want to be thought of as important enough to plan for :) Dont run to Hallmark at 0 dark 30 on the day of saying crap I forgot a card.. I dont like being a afterthought(most people dont) and even if you dont mean it that way.. Yes thats how it feels! (Keep this in mind all you people in a relationship where YOU are the one who does this) Honestly Vday happens on Feb 14 every frikkin year. It never changes so it should be easy for you to plan for. :)
Ok off that soapbox and onto errands again. Hope the next post has pictures!! lol

Respect

Respect...Something we all want to have. But seems to also be a thing of the past. You go into a store...You will find that it seems only the door greater and the cashier are decent(not everytime) You see the customers who only care about themselves. Running you over, not caring kids are there. Or you see kids that are HORRIBLE to everyone around them.

Can I say my kids are a exception?..Or am I one?? No.. When I go to a store I do get frustrated with others.I try to be mindful and yet others are rude. Which it turn..I get rude. My kids...Now for the most part with others they are very respectful We get told this all the time. With us.. Wow.. almost never. This is a issue we are trying to nip in the bud. And quickly. Mr B hasnt been very nice at all. And has stated he doesnt have to be respectful to me. So now its lesson time.. 

(Everyone disciplines differently and I love to hear your ideas lol)

My lovely Mr.B...ahhhh the kid who can warm your heart and then break it right after. Since returning from boot camp..Lets just say he seems to think I dont matter. What I say what I do...And the fact Im just the stupid mom I dont deserve....RESPECT.....Im not a officer so using the yes mam term does not apply to me...ahhh did this boy have it very very wrong. You see. Life bit him in the butt. And bit him hard. I was mad which is a understatement. And found though..hmmm I have the upperhand. I am the driver to where he needs to go. And he had a meeting last night. Guess who wasnt driving? that is right..Me. Using the old saying Dont bite the hand that feeds you rang good and true. He had no ride. And since I pay the phone bill he couldnt use it to find a ride. He missed his meeting, And I called his commander to let him know that and why. And he then had to go to work with me(explain this is a sec)

Papa Bear was not happy at all with Mr Bs decision. (Thats putting it lightly) So he added to the punishment. Missing one meeting isnt going to make a point with its multiple infractions is it? Since Mr B also seems to think I do nothing in this house(yes dishes laundry etc are done by faeries) He is now gaining a appreciation for all I do on a daily basis. He knows it is not womens work because even papa does laundry and dishes. Part of this is my fault because I do not make them do much around here. I really wanted them to just be kids. But I do expect help in the chores. It takes a matter of minutes when we all get to it. Normally while they are at school I get the laundry washed and dishes done etc. But right now I am getting a break. Mr B is finding out laundry doesnt come clean on its own and dishes dont wash themselves either. As for the going to work with me....

I work to pay for the kids activities. I work a very small PT job 5 nights a week. And Mr B is now going to be helping me at least twice a week to work for his activities. Lil Bear has been helping me for the past 2 years. Mr B is learning(a lil late on my part) to work for what he wants. He also has to ask me to drive him where he needs to go. It is no longer assumed that I am available as his driver. He must ask in advance(even though I KNOW he has a meeting the same time and day every week) 

Does this sound horrible???  Nahhhhh Life isnt always pleasant. And for my lil cadet...hes learning this. And when he grows up, gets married. His wife will thank us that he knows how to operate a washing machine and washes dishes. He will also appreciate her much more. Because he will KNOW she worked hard. And to me.. that will be worth the stress of these days. 

Let the healing begin

The peace in this house needs to be restored. Its been in a uproar for far too long. Plus with so much hope for changes. Can not change anything until I just give in. So Im letting go of the mad.. Papa and I have always had a ok relationship. At times it was a lil rocky but for the most part its been pretty good. And for a couple years it was great(yes we all have our hills) I gave up months ago and that wasnt going to fix anything. If anything it was making it worse. Now as far as how Im letting it go.. I just am. Its to a point that I sat and thought a lot this weekend, and figured that if I didnt give in, life was going to stay at that stressful I hate everything spot. I had to think of the little things. Papa doesnt know how to express things through words. Never has. But through some actions he does. And I do see where there are times where he was trying and I was just too mad to care. And that wasnt fair to him. I realized he needed credit for trying.

Honestly...For a lot in life there are a lot of us that need to just let go. Im a fighter. Its my scorpio nature (excuses suuure..but true) I can hold a grudge for so long the grudge will still be there and I wont even know the exact reason why I got mad in the first place. I love with a passion. I hate with a vengeance. I like you or I dont. That is not to say my world is black and white. Its not.. Just my feelings are. But I cant hold all this. The pain I have felt over the past 6 months has been awful. And I held it. I held it tight like a shield. And it brought more pain. I took offence to everything. because I was afraid. It actually sucks to put it out there that I was afraid. Most people think I am never afraid. Im the strong one, the fixer....And In the past 6 months I havent been strong, nor have I tried to fix anything. I wasnt giving it a chance. 

For everything else.. I miss my joker bear but that stopped hurting. I realized where I stand on that. And thats ok. Theres not much friendship left in it either. Maybe someday I will have that balance again. Just not with the joker. Sucks but not everyone can handle life this way. And once again thats fine. Everyone is entitled to their own feelings. Im sure as time goes on joker and I will talk less and less(not that much now) when its finally nothing. Sad because I have known joker since I was 14..And well I hate to lose lol. But its a battle I already lost.

The kids have so much going on I havent had much time to think. And I realize here in a couple months its going to get even busier so Im gonna enjoy this part now before it gets REALLY insane. A new vehicle is in the plans which will make all of this a LOT easier. Need to get some work done on our car. And we are really hoping for new job opportunities in the near future. Time to let go of that negative crap that I didnt want to start this new year with and get to working on the positive :D 

Enjoy you day!!!