Friday, January 06, 2012

Trying to find normal in my super stressed state...

Ok I know there is no such thing.. But the lack of sleep the stress and frustration has finally caused me to snap. I know being a martyr is bad.. bad bad bad..But damn..My brain and nerves are fried.
Last night it finally came out in droves. Mr B got back late Monday night and YES I WAS very excited and relieved to have him home again. Of course I got the feeling of disrespect when within 12 hours.. His room that I spent hours cleaning was destroyed. Clothes(clean and dirty) Legos papers... You name it, it was all over the place. And believe me as calmly as possible for the next 2 days I asked for it to be straightened. Took 2 days for him to get his stuff out of my kitchen that I spent forever cleaning. It was like I wasnt even speaking. Lil bears room was also cleaned by papa bear and I..All while bear played video games and ignored everything we said(yes this looks like bad parenting on my part to clean a kids room while he plays video games but I assure you.. Hell was about to freeze over and mom here is about to blow) Let us add on the stress of a hot water tank that wasnt wanting to stay lit and my asking for about a week for it to be fixed and being ignored. Then great, lets add toilet tank is leaking on the floor after fixing the OTHER leak that had been there for so long I lost count.
So lets fast forward to yesterday....I spent all day scrubbing this house...For reasons other than it needing to be cleaned.. You see, my mother gave us her fridge.. I was sooo happy to get this black fridge that matches my kitchen soo much better than the white one...Within 2 days of the fridge being in this house we found roaches.. Yes those nasty little bastards. I have always prided myself in not having bugs. Roaches are one of those things that give me the creeps.. And I have now been battling them for about 2 months. ... Ok sooo here I am scrubbing the house like a mad woman possessed, mopping, sweeping, dishes, scrubbing every surface, putting more boric acid down( I think Im getting closer to winning the battle) House smells WONDERFUL(I love pine sol) looks awesome. ...For all of 10 min when everyone got home. backpacks in one direction shoes in another, let us all forget about the fact these kids have homework as they begin to drag crap into my freshly cleaned living LEAVE it there...So papa bear gets back on trying to fix that stupid damn toilet, I deal with dinner. As kids continue to destroy the house, and then go out to play...(umm remember homework....) Finally dinner over and in a bit I go to work. When I get home to a house in utter chaos. Bear wont take his meds has pulled cushions off my couch and destroyed every speck of clean. Here is where my head spins.. Oh yes it can spin. I yelled and got all 3 lil soldiers sitting right down in my destroyed living room and proceed to read the riot act. Im tired Im sick of feeling disrespected, Im sick of feeling like just the one who cleans cooks and shuffles kids to where they need to go. Tired of having to get mad to get someone to listen or help. I wanted to know when it became that nothing is anyones responsibility but mine..
Sooo after all this is finally over and Im ready to burst into tears run away and never come back...Mr B remembers his homework that is DUE today. He has to make a new piece of paper to look old. ya know the whole burning tea staining... yeah.. this is remembered at shower time. 45 min till bedtime.. So here I go once more bottling up that frustration I feel about my families lack of responsibility or respect. Because we all know mom will do it.

Now.. Im not even gonna look at the fact all my work here at home was for nothing. Im not going to walk through and see every ounce of stuff I did now undone. Im tired. If these people want a clean house I think they all can work on it. As soon as my brain is back unfried I might do something. lol

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