Saturday, March 27, 2010

When you know who you are should it matter what others think.....

I have had a week...Ok so really a few days, to be put in a position, that really flares my temper. I am a talkative person. Most of the time, I know its due to being in the house with 2 little boys all day, and just having a OMG ANOTHER ADULT moment. The rest of the time, its a nervous twitch almost. I honestly have never been much of a people person. I get nervous in crowds, I get nervous when people talk to me. ESPECIALLY if I do not know them. And so let the nervous chatter begin. I get really nervous when your having a conversation with people and they go silent.. I mean is this the time you walk away?? WHy all of this info???? well let me explain in the nicest possible way...
I have been working, to help get rid of debt, and hopefully some stress(money causes stress) And while working, someone started talking to me. I mean I did my normal Hi how are you, thing(why do we do this??) And thing was, I had Mr B with me. And he was asked what grade he was and if he liked school. He told them he does 5th grade work but hes homeschooled. He was then asked if he liked homeschooling and he replies back with"I LOVE IT! I dont ever want to go back to public school" And well she continued to talk and I stood there and in my brain Im like I really wanna finish this so I can go home..But then she started telling me about her daughter(do I just walk off....) So after about 10 min or so, I was like "well its been great talking to you, Ready to get this done and go home" The next night rolls around..And this person is there again(this time I have no kids with me) And I went and did part of my job in that office. She talks to me again. And I told her I would be back to finish(honestly...I dont like to make people move out of the way while they are working so I can finish my job) I left the office came back and went to finishing. I got all the rest of that part of the office done EXCEPT hers.. I said " I hate to make you move but I need to get over there. While I was vacuuming, she was talking to me, casual convo.. And I answer back. I finish vacuuming and stand at the door(nervous talking here more) and well I end up there for another 10 minutes just being nice. She was talking to me about going through chemo etc. (How do you walk away rudely from that!???) And somehow we talked about books, and her daughter and I had made mention of my kids loving to help me. It gives them one on one time..(well she already knew the oldest was there the day before)
After all of this to much info I just posted here.....I talked to my boss about something completely unrelated to that office.. and I get a email wake up call the other morning....Seems the lady who was talking so nice to me has accused me of stealing from her office..(and possibly my kids stealing) The past few days have been so stressful, my stomach in knots. And defending the fire out of myself and my family. I mean, I know sometimes I talk to much. Ok most the time...But I can honestly say I want to get my job done and go home. I spend 3 hours a day with my hubby. And yet I fight myself over whether I should walk away from this job, and not be able to get rid of debt like we are now. And look guilty by leaving...Or feel uncomfortable every time I go to work that I am going to be blamed for things. Just to be able to make money.
Very frustrated. And lost in the right thing to do. My brain says fight and say screw them. But the pits of my stomach twist during the drive there. I know why I stay home so much.. I dont like being put in situations like this. When I work I want it perfect. this is totally messing with my OCD!! ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG

2 comments:

susieloulou said...

I hope it's getting better and better? Maybe she's got brain damage from the chemo - sheesh!

Mama Bear said...

I just have to bite my tongue.. for now