Today I spent some time reading others blogs. I have you all on my blogroll, but yet somedays I do not make it to the reading of all the blogs I have saved. One in particular made me think. When I look back in my blog I do notice I try to look at the positives of the kids, rather than the negative. I don't really say much about my husband and I. Well today is going to be a little bit different. Because, I am a real person, and as a real person..I am full of flaws. Today I am going to, well tattle on myself.
You see, I am a wife and a mom. I home school my kids. But.. I am also.. me. I know Im not perfect. I try to be. But I know I will never be.
I am a person with many issues. I am a germophobe, a clean freak, a loud mouth. I am someone who knows how to take care of themselves, even if it means being mean. My husband really doesn't have to worry about me. I can work tools, I can fix things. Im not a girly girl. When I get mad.. Im mad and the things I can say would shock just about anyone. My poor husband has felt this wrath on many occasions. Im not selfish. I have trouble doing anything for me. I want to make sure everyone else has what they want and need and are happy. Even though after I do it, I feel sad and left out. Because once again, I forget me. I love to cook or bake. To me it shows how much I do love my family. Even if somedays I get mean and dont do it. and tell everyone figure it out for themselves. My husband has been my best friend since I was 14 years old.(to get a idea how long.. I will be 32 on Saturday) And like friends. We can have some arguments like friends. My husband is a great wonderful supportive guy. He loves me even when I am a horrible.....yeah you got that word. LOL. He works hard for us. And the days I show my attitude. I feel bad later because I know its stressful to try to make it work. And well, men are not good at opening their mouths. Wait neither am I! I will sulk and pout and huff and puff. I make a 2 year old temper tantrum look mild.
My kids are not perfect. I am not perfect. My husband is not perfect. We all have to work daily to make things work. We have a wonderful family in this house. My kids are helpful to the elderly lady next door. My husband works hard to support us. I cook and bake and find ways to do things for cheap to free. When frustrations mount, we all show it.
As a wife, I have changed a lot in the past year. Thanks to quite a few wonderful friends. They have walked me through to finding patience. In all things. THey have worked with me to find a different way other than screaming to discipline my kids when they deliberately disobey me. (yep they do that allot) They help me daily on how to be a good supportive wife. Its not in a role issue. My husband can clean a toilet and do the laundry. and has many times. Its about pulling your weight and making the house a more peaceful loving place. It is about supporting each other. Yes.. I do cook almost all the meals, and most the time, it is me that does the laundry, cleans the bathroom. It is me that does almost all the planning.But you know what. It is also true, my husband works full time. He makes the money that pays our bills. So its only fair I take care of the house and kids. And I do not mind one bit. (cept on those bad days of mine when I really dont give a horses behind) I like my husband coming home to a clean house. I love it when he notices. I love cooking for him. I love it even more when he kisses my cheek and tells me it was good. and you know whats sweet. He does the dishes almost every night after dinner if I cook. But you know what else I love? When he cooks me dinner. And tells me he appreciates me. And those words are so often forgotten(case in point... My last temper tantrum) The words everyone really wants to hear. I appreciate you. We have had our ups and downs. Every day is a journey. And you have to work it every single day.
I have watched The Last Lecture.. more times than I can count. There is a phrase in there that brings tears to my eyes. and its soooooo true. When we see brick walls in our life, whether its with employment, or just in your personal self. I think of the phrase. The brick walls were not there to keep you out. But to show you how bad you want something. Now theres more to that phrase. But this is the part that stays in my mind. When life is rough. And you want to give up. As I have on many many days. I think of that phrase. Because it is a brick wall. Anything stopping you from having a good day, or getting where you want to be, is a brick wall. Most the time we only look at jobs as a brick wall when your working for it. But its also in your marriage. Or your parenting, or just being a friend. Somedays that brick wall seems to be in the way of everything you want. but I remember.. its just showing me how bad I want something, and how hard I am willing to work for it.
Now all my rambling is over. And now we all know I am a real person, with a real heart, and a real attitude.. Off I am to play with 2 little boys who I was none to happy with first thing this morning. and to send my loving husband a email telling him just how much I appreciate him today.